to post yesterday about the small victory with my oldest.  I knew where he was for all of about 16 hours and we were going to meet yesterday afternoon with his caseworker.  The family he’s been staying with kicked him out by dropping him off at a gas station and just leaving him there.  He didn’t understand that making out with someone younger than 18 is illegal (one of the 6 daughters at this house).  He thought as long as they were no more than 2 years younger than he is that it was ok.  I told him wrong answer.  He had his cell phone and called me and a couple of other people and we made arrangements to have him picked up.  Knowing he couldn’t come to our house, his caseworker took him to a local safe haven where they made plans to go to a scheduled appointment the next day for job outlooks.  Before it even got to that point the woman from the house called him several times telling him how bad she felt and that she wanted to come get him.  He had complained to me how controlling she was and that she never let him call us because she always took his phone.  Guess what?  He let her pick him up and take him back and blew off the occupational vocational rehabilitation meeting.  We figure (the caseworker and myself) that either she got a letter from the social security office about getting his checks or she has something to hide that she doesn’t want him talking about to us.  At this point the ball is in his court again.  The way I feel right now it might just stay there. 

I had been so hopeful yesterday and the night before.  I had written his name on my bulletin in church under the prayers and concerns this past Sunday and there it was.  The answer I’d hoped for.  He wasn’t with them so we could have reasonable discussions and figure out how to get things moving.  I blamed myself for not bringing him home, temporarily even, but his caseworker said that it wouldn’t have been a good thing anyway.  She doesn’t trust this woman and neither do I.  But at his age I can’t make him do anything, so I wait, again.

Oldest has called twice since he checked himself out of the therapeutic foster home. He says he regrets what he has done. I was very calm with him and non-accusatory and gave him information that will help him get in touch with the people who can help him. I’m sure he’s waiting for me to say come home, but I can’t won’t do that. He has spurned our attempts to help him too many times and I won’t fall in to that trap again. I will be there for him to give guidance, but I will not step in and “rescue” him. He needs to learn that his actions have consequences and that he is responsible for his own actions. Sounds harsh, I know, but bailing him out every time he makes mistakes won’t teach him anything except that he can continue to make mistakes and not learn from them.

I continue to pray for his safety and well being.

Oldest has decided he does not need to be in the therapeutic program he’s been in for a while anymore. He’s 18 and has about 3 weeks of school left at an alternative school he has been attending for the last 2 years. He has not lived with us for those 2 years but up until 4 months ago came home on weekends and called weekly. He’s apparently now staying with his 16 year old girlfriend, whom we did not know about and have never met, and her mother. From what I understand the mother took him to school yesterday and he does plan on finishing school, which is a relief. As I said, he’s 18 and he feels that he does not have to stay in touch with us or let us know how he is doing. The only reason I know about what is going on is that the place he was staying before he discharged himself called me to let me know. They also had been keeping me out of the loop of his life since he turned 18 until now. He effectively blew his free ride to a trade school. I don’t know what he will do now. He is very capable with his hands and when he likes what he is doing and gets to do things he wants without being “bossed” he’s a very hard worker. I’m just not sure that he can hold a job for long the way he views authority. And, I fear that he has gotten in to drugs as well. That on top of his mental illness will make it difficult for him. I don’t know if he’ll know how to get the services he needs or if he will want to continue those services. He needs meds and he may not continue to take them as he should. I know that this girl’s mother has no idea what she is getting in to.

He still has not contacted us. He has a history of being charming until rules are enforced that he feels are “unfair”. In his eyes we are the most unfair people he knows. We were supposed to let him do what he wanted, when he wanted, no matter what it was. Sorry, that’s not how we operate. He has tried over and over to negatively influence his brother and sister at home. They are both angry with him and fearful for (and of) him. I was given information to be able to contact him, but I will not do that. I will pray for his safety and hope that someday he will understand why we did the things we did for him.